Sweet Nothings
by Nymbis
Summary: As it turns out, Sasuke isn’t very sexy. Sakura x Sasuke.


_Sweet Nothings_

**AN: **Just because I find stories that feature Sasuke wooing Sakura off of her feet (literally) amusing. Short, procrastination fic. I didn't intend to make Sasuke sound perverted, just…determined.

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Had she been drinking a beverage at that moment, she was sure that she would have spit it out, "What?" She asked, torn between bewilderment and more bewilderment.

"I need someone to have intercourse with," Sasuke, who was sitting next to her, said calmly, looking out into the distance.

Sakura blinked rapidly, not being able to process this, "I'm," her eyebrows drew together in confusion, "happy for you?"

There was the briefest of annoyed exhalations, as the twenty four year old folded his hands in front of his mouth, elbows resting on his knees, "Itachi is dead."

Sakura nodded hesitantly.

"Then I have completed my first objective," he said easily, sending her a wayward side glance.

Sakura gave a small smile, resisting the urge to give him a hug or some other sort of display of physical comfort. She had learned during the seven years of Sasuke's return to Konoha not to overstep the boundaries the Uchiha had set for himself.

"Then it is time for me to continue with my second," Sasuke elaborated, but she could tell that he was beginning to grow frustrated with her.

Sakura folded her arms across her chest as she leaned back against the bench. She could recall the meaning of his second oath, but she was having a rather difficult time correlating its implications and what her childhood crush was saying to her.

"And?" She prompted, if for nothing else than to clear the muddled message in her head.

He audibly groaned, she was supposed to be the brightest kunoichi of the village, "And I will be requiring the use of your ova."

She choked, "Excuse me?"

"You're the medical ninja," he said with a bit of condescension in his tone, "You should know that in order for me to revive my clan, I will be requiring a female."

Sakura knew she was spluttering around like an idiot, but hearing this from Uchiha Sasuke of all people was a bit unnerving. The same Sasuke that she had spent the better part of twelve years pining over, the same Sasuke who seemed uncomfortable with _hand holding _was now asking that she…

Sakura shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, "What brought this on, Sasuke-kun?" She questioned, still attempting to mentally digest this.

He sighed, now thoroughly irritated, "If I am to procreate, I would have a higher probability of success for more children if I started younger."

She was beginning to feel incredibly uncomfortable, "And you want to do this…with me?" Despite everything Team 7 had been through, it was still hard for Sakura to grasp the concept that for once Sasuke wanted to come to her for help with something.

He gave a snort of disdain, "Who else would I do it with?" He stood up, not even waiting for an answer as he casually placed his hands in his pockets, "It would be best if we started while you were ovulating, do you know when your next cycle is going to be?"

Shock, terror, a bit of pervy glee, and other assorted emotions bubbled in Sakura's chest as she also stood up, staring at Sasuke flatly. The handsome man gave no inclination that he understood Sakura's confusion as he looked at her.

"You want me to sleep with you?"

He obviously didn't like that term, for he carefully corrected, "Intercourse."

"So you can repopulate your clan?"

"Aa."

She couldn't help it, her lips pressed together and her eyes narrowed, "Sasuke-kun, that's quite possibly the worst pickup line I've ever heard."

He seemed momentarily startled, "Then you don't want to help me achieve my mission?"

Sakura sighed, and despite his bold request, she felt some pity for the man. After all, he had spent most of his life as someone borderline asexual, and it made sense that he would approach this situation with something more close to his comfort level.

"It's not that, Sasuke-kun, it's just that there are certain ways of going about it," she finally settled on.

He scowled at her, "So you're rejecting me on the grounds that I had improper phrasing?"

She rolled her eyes and before he could realize what she was doing she pressed her lips against his. She fluttered her eyes shut and awaited for the sparks and magic and wonder that would accompany her first kiss with Sasuke.

He was about as responsive as a dead fish.

After a few horribly awkward seconds where nothing quite happened and Sakura was beginning to feel rather silly, she pulled back. She noticed that he was staring at her as if she had sprouted a second head with a black and white color scheme.

Sakura sighed, "You see, Sasuke-kun? You can't even handle kissing yet, how are you going to handle-" she stopped the taboo terms before they came out of her mouth, " 'intercourse'?"

He glared at her, "Kissing has nothing to do with sexual reproduction."

"It's the principle of the thing." She calmly stated.

He seemed to weigh this in his mind for a few seconds before crossing his arms over his chest and frowning, "You're annoying." He declared bluntly.

The words had begun to lose their sting after being repeated so many times over the years, and Sakura just smiled in return, "And you, Sasuke-kun, are a lousy kisser."

His stare seemed to pierce straight through her, pointedly ignoring the small jab to his pride, "Is there any way of convincing you?"

She hesitantly met his gaze, "You could start by taking me out on a date?"

He appeared rather displeased with this alternative, a frown making its way onto his face. Sakura privately smirked as the inner twelve year old fan girl that never quite died voiced its opinion.

"It would help you achieve your goal…" The kunoichi trailed off carefully.

Sasuke stared at her, feeling slightly insulted that she expected him to be manipulated so easily. However, as much as he was loathe to admit it, she had a fair point. The relationship proceeding to intercourse was an unfortunate obstacle, but one that he had to accept regardless if he wanted to repopulate the clan.

"Fine," he said in defeat, walking back towards Konoha's city district. "Hurry up."

Sakura blinked a few times, not expecting such easy acceptance. A small smile crawled up her face as she trailed after him, "Where are we going?"

"Dinner."

A pause.

"And then intercourse."

Sakura cringed, "Just the first one for now, Sasuke-kun."


End file.
